where good deeds are rewarded with apples & the bad with lemons

Life lessons at 3 in the morning

It happens to me all the time. As the day of a project nears, I wake up at 3AM and find it hard to go back to sleep. What is there to do until sunrise? Type a few more documents, check details of event making sure everything is covered, run back-up plans in my head just in case an incident arises, the list goes on and on. Then I palpitate. I would like to think that the speedy heart rate will burn calories without getting off the bed.
The TV is always great company at this hour most especially if a classic is showing. Who could ever forget the rags to riches story of Inyang and her dramatic transformation as Virginia P.?
This is no ordinary movie. In it are life lessons we can learn from.
Lesson #1. Thou shall not covet, and rape.
Rape is never the solution to satisfying your lust. You’ll have to answer for your crime eventually. If you evade jail time, the victim will find ways to even up the score.
With the proliferation of internet dating and social networking sites, a hook up for sex has never been easier. You can even do role playing if you’re into the “Huwag po, kuya. Maawa po kayo, kuya” fetish without committing a crime.
“Huwag po, kuya. Maawa po kayo, kuya”
Lesson #2. How to get rich.
Oprah has told you how. The Secret has told you how. So did the rest of the TV shows, self-help books and life coaches you have spent thousands of your hard-earned moolah on. Who got rich? they did. You spent your money to reassure yourself of an idea you’ve always known.
The formula to get rich has always been the same- hard work. Have a plan, work at it and believe in it and your dreams will come true. 
If you have to work from the bottom up, do it. 
1. Work at a beauty salon and get free make-up and blower.
2. Read until you fall asleep.
3. Or sleep with the boss.
4. Learn the tricks of the trade first-hand from the top man.
5. Learn from his not-as-good-looking-as-you executives as well.
6. And when you hit it big at the stock exchange, shower yourself with the money.
Lesson #3. Dress for success.
As you rise on the ladder of success, it pays to dress up appropriately.
Shed off the barrio lass sheath dress (read: duster) and recreate your look. It can be wise to own basic pieces that you can mix and match but if you want to be fashionable, there is a price to pay– 
1. Designer clothes are trendy and more costly.
2. You will have selective amnesia when your past catches up with you.
3. Worse, your fashion photos can be used against you by extortionists.
But live for the moment, wear what makes you happy like this girl did. Here are some tips:
1. The LBD, Little Black Dress, is forever but if you can avoid the extra details, then do so.
2. It’s totally OK to wear skimpy floral dresses with puffed sleeves at the office after you’ve received a marriage proposal from the big boss. 
3. Balance and proportion is a must. Match big sleeves with big hair.
4. Express authority. For a day at the field, a Taras Bulba hairdo + standing collar denim jacket will show everyone who’s the boss. Dapat suplada lagi ang look (see Exhibit D) kahit hihingi ka ng tubig kasi anuuhaw ka na.
Pwedeng pahingi ng tubig, please??? 
Lesson #4. Don’t get mad, get even.
It’s always good to leave everything to Karma, but if you feel you need to hasten up Karma’s wheels, then that’s all up to you. 
You must have a battle plan and it has to be executed with precision. These can help:
Know your “enemies”

Make sure you know who you are dealing and how everyone looks. Spying on them via your CCTV screens is one way. Dapat mas maganda ka sa kanila when you finally decide to show up.
Bakit apat lang ang screen ng CCTV ko? Dagdagan yan, mayaman ako!
Do a dramatic entrance.
Gone is Inyang and when the time comes to reveal the new you as Virginia – rich, powerful, gorgeous and the new owner of your enemies’ properties, make sure yo do it with oomph! Make it one big production. Hire the best crew, mayaman ka naman.
Gather everyone in your big sala and appear from the top of your spiral staircase and as you set your foot on the landing, that is your assistant’s cue to play the sound effects a few decibels higher. Your new name sang by a choir in crescendo will be perfect— Ver-geen-YA PEEEEEEEE! … (Suplada di ba?!?)

Ver-geen-YA PEEEEEEEE!
Make everyone fall in love with you.
Now that they know you’re rich, they’ll be begging for you attentuion. Pagbigyan mo. Make them fall in love. 
1. Accept the wedding proposal of your rapist.
2. Your “true love” will come chasing. Break the news of your marriage and break his heart.
3. His wife will go mad with jealousy and commit suicide. 
(Hija, FYI walag 911 sa Bitumen)
Be a step ahead.
By now, they want to kill you. This is why you have to be a step ahead and know what their plans are. Tongues will wag for a price. Remember mayaman ka.
Make the wedding grand and pull another Virginia P. surprise!
Make your rapist say his vow and when it’s your turn, pause for several seconds (that’ll be eternity for him), then look at him uttering uncertainty… ” I…. I……I……”
And proceed as planned…
“I WILL HAVE THIS MAN AND HIS FAMILY ARRESTED SA TANGKANG PAGPATAY SA AKIN!!!!”
Make sure you have the evidence.
Make sure the police is ready.
Make sure suplada pa rin ang look.

Suplada….

Lesson #5. Do not put anything to waste.

You worked hard for your money, you know better not to waste it. You know for a fact that the wedding is a sham, put Plan B into motion.

Head to the your newly acquired mining site in your wedding gown at mag-emote as BNTM aka Bitumen’s Next Top Model.  Yung photographer at videographer sa wedding ang gamitin.

Ayaaaaan. Sulit ang bayad mo sa production.

Thank you Virginia for sharing your insights. Waking up at three had a purpose.

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